


why do you love me?

by booksteaandcake



Series: This sweet sweet love (Muke) [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Cute Luke, Cute Michael Clifford/Luke Hemmings, Cutesy, Depressed Michael, Depression, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I Love You, Insecure Michael, Insecurity, Love, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mostly fluff though, Muke - Freeform, Panic Attacks, cute muke, depressed michael(not detailed), i don't even know what i am tagging, luke loves michael a whole lot, maybe angst?, mental health issues (briefly touched upon), michael and luke, mikey - Freeform, mikey gets panic attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-21 09:28:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6046567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/booksteaandcake/pseuds/booksteaandcake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael has a panic attack and he asks Luke to remind him of the only good thing in his life: their love. </p><p>Fluff. Some parts could be classed as angst I suppose, but mostly fluff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	why do you love me?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm having major writers block on Love Me but hopefully there will be a chapter up tomorrow :) 
> 
> This is fluffy and kind of cute I guess. Not edited and not that well written because it's late and I am tired but I hope it's okay anyways! :)

Michael was sat without a sweater or a jacket on over his short sleeved shirt, and he barely even noticed the shiver that relentlessly ran up and down his bones. All he could think about was how stupid he was, he had ruined everything. Again, he had let Luke down. He had let everyone down, but what upset him the most was how he had let Luke down and Luke was the one who loved him the most. Luke never gave up on him, he _always _was there and he never once said anything that could likely upset the older boy.__

__Mikey felt warm and salty tears sliding down his cheeks and running over his lips but he didn’t care enough to wipe them, he just wanted to feel sorry for himself because he _deserved _to be hating himself. He was useless and pathetic and if it weren’t for Luke he would believe that he was better of dead. Luke would be better off without Michael, that was true - but he would be sad if Mikey died. That was evident to anyone, even to Michael though he hated himself more than anything. He didn’t think anyone could love him, but Luke did, so he owed to try and make the boy happy too.___ _

____“Mikey!” He heard a relieved voice call out and he knew who it was without even having to look up, and his thoughts were proven correct when those black converse came into view._ _ _ _

____Sitting down himself, Luke slid so that his back was also against the wall and he was beside Michael. As there always was after Michael had a panic attack, he left a space between them but he was close enough that Mikey could feel the warmth radiating from his skin and their fingers were _almost _touching but not quite. Not because he didn’t _want _to hold Mikey and make sure he was okay, but because sometimes Michael had panic attacks because he was being touched. He just didn’t like it, social things were bad enough, yet alone strangers getting too close. It freaked him out... but all that girl had done was put an arm round him in a friendly manner and he had started to hyperventilate and ran from the place, making himself look like a fool. That’s how he came to be sitting in a random park down the road, crying and rocking himself._____ _ _ _

________“Why’d you run away from me, Mikey?” Luke asked softly, and despite everything his voice was (as usual) a comfort to his boyfriend._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I didn’t run away from _you _.” Michael muttered his reply so quietly it was almost inaudible, “I ran away from the party. There’s a difference.”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________The other boy hesitated, and he moved ever so slightly closer, but not close enough to be touching yet. “I understand… but you know, I was right there. You didn’t have to panic.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I-”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“No, you don’t have to explain.” Luke cut him off, seeming to know right away what Michael had been about to say - he always seemed to know. “Just…. remember that I’m here for you always, right?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Sniffing, Michael nodded his head. He was always the first one to make a move once he had calmed down, Luke never wanted to startle him, so Michael moved closer himself and rested his head lightly on the taller boy’s shoulder._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I know.” He said maybe too late, “You’re always here for me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Exactly.” Luke breathed softly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Michael continued allowing himself to get closer, edging his fingers slowly across the pavement so that they started to trace patterns over the back of Luke’s hand._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“And I love you.” Luke reminded him, because Mikey always seemed to forget that part, or overlook it at least._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Gradually Michael eased his hand properly into Luke’s, and then he squeezed it gently to show he was okay. Only then did the younger of the two turn his head slightly, placing a kiss to Michael’s scarlet head. Michael rarely said it back. It had been difficult at first, because Luke _always _says ‘I love you’ and Michael finds it almost impossible to. He’s never been good at expressing love, he feels it strongly but he doesn’t know how to put those feelings into words. He just shows it through his trust. It _had _been hard, but it was just them now. They were similar from the outside and they had loads of things in common, but really they were almost opposites._____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Why?” Michael murmured softly, and at first it didn’t even sound like a word to Luke until he realised Mikey was looking up at him expectantly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Why do I love you?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He nodded, and Luke frowned a tiny bit, but then he smiled a small smile and lifted his hand that wasn’t holding Michael’s, and he stroked a strand of hair back from the other boy’s face and then gently rubbed his finger over the skin of his cheek._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Lots of reasons.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Tell me.” Michael pleaded. It could have seemed selfish and vain, _shower me with compliments! _, but it was purely because he was starting to not believe it. He didn’t feel that he could be loved.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Slowly, the smile on Luke’s face broadened and he looked right into Michael’s beautiful green eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“I love you because you are beautiful. Not outside, even though you are beautiful on the outside too, but just _you _, you are so sweet and passionate and caring and I love you for that.”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Michael felt a small tinge of red creep to his cheeks but he smiled all the same, it took a while but he was almost fully relaxed then._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“I love you because you have _great _taste in music. I love you because you are the only one who complimented my lip piercing when everyone else told me it looked lame. I love you because you trust me and you let me hold your hand.”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________He tightened his fingers for a brief moment, squeezing Mikey’s hand._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________“I love you because you see the word through different eyes. I love you because I just _do _, and I think that is reason enough.”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________Michael’s face had gone brighter than his hair but he didn’t mind. He returned his head to leaning on the blonde boy’s shoulder, and Luke leant his own head on Michael’s. They always sat like that, quiet and just touching the tiniest amount was enough._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________“I…” Michael almost said, but he couldn’t. He wished he could say those same words back, but he couldn’t _yet. _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________“Soon.” He mumbled._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________Luke frowned again, only for the briefest fraction of a second though. He understood, though he gently chided Michael, “Don’t rush into anything.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________“You’re like my anchor to this world, Luke.” Michael was almost whispering, but it was so quiet that Luke didn’t have to strain to hear. “You’re out of this world, but still, you’re the only thing that keeps me here.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________“Don’t talk like that.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________“Not just in the sense that I don’t want to kill myself because of you,” Michael rushed to correct himself and Luke winced slightly, always hating how easily Mikey could talk of feeling suicidal at any stage of his life, but quickly Michael skipped over that part. “In the sense that you’re the thing that reminds me of things. Like that I’m a human and this earth is round and you will always be there for me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________“That I will.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________“And you’re like the stars. I need you to keep me wishing for a better time.” His voice quietened even more, because even if when he was with Luke everything was almost good, it still _wasn’t. _He still panicked and flinched and felt sad. Luke was like the first star you see on a night, and you wish on it and even if it’s nonsense you kind of still believe that maybe the twinkling piece of magic in the night sky will grant you your wish.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________“It _will _get better.”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________Michael smiled. He sat up and moved to sit in front of his boyfriend, and then slowly but also quick enough to take Luke by surprise, he leaned forwards and kissed the boy on the lips. It was a brief kiss, they were never long between them, but it was a kiss just the same._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________“It will.” He agreed once he pulled back away._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________A big part of him did not believe it. His life was shit and he wanted to die a lot and he was miserable. He was bad at school and he he got bad grades and his parents were sick of him and they were always fighting. But one thing he _did _to keep him hopeful was Luke. And he would continue to hold onto his star forever.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
